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What Really Creates Marked Transformation

Five years ago, on April 11, 2013, my Mama transitioned out of this human life, and her death catalyzed a major transformation for me.

My relationship with my mother wasn’t always easy (are any Mother-Daughter relationships ever easy?), and the last few years of her life were especially difficult. With her declining health and her increasing dementia, and my role as her Medical Power of Attorney entrusted with making life-altering decisions for Mama, we completely switched roles.

All of this happened in my late forties, during a time when decades of negative patterns were coming to an explosive head. The tipping point didn’t come for another five months but it was set in motion in the weeks just before, and just after, her death.

On the morning after her funeral, I encountered my first eagle.

I was walking on my favorite trail along the river with my dog, Maverick, thinking about my grief, my anger, and the devastation of my life. We were about halfway back when I happened to look up, and there on a tree branch right next to the trail sat a huge eagle, looking out over the river. As Mav and I approached, it swiveled it’s head to look down at us briefly, then resumed it’s study of the river. Cautiously, I crept closer, until we were barely ten feet from the tree. Every so often, the eagle would swivel it’s head and look down at us again, then turn back to the river. We stood there for close to half an hour when finally, the eagle looked down at us once more, then rose into the air on a great flap of wings and soared out over the water and away.

At the time, I didn’t give the experience any special spiritual significance, yet I did make a strong emotional connection between it and my mother. Over the next few months, though, eagles showed up everywhere, especially when I was the most distraught, or when I had a major decision to make (and there were lots of them around that time).

One particularly memorable day, I was driving down a local road, crying as I listened to Carrie Underwood singing See You Again on the radio. I had left the house to escape yet another distressing conversation with my then-husband, and right that moment, I just wanted my Mama. And there they were: a pair of eagles soared over the trees and followed the roadway in front of my car for probably half a mile before they veered off and away again.

Another time, more than two years later, I had just made a difficult decision about a new relationship and I was out walking. And there they were again, soaring over the trees and following along the roadway for a while before heading off.

There are dozens of stories like these, and they continue to this day. There are other ways eagles have shown up, too: finding an eagle key chain in a purse given to me by someone else (they didn’t know it was there); having eagles prominently feature in a Reiki session and an Akashic Records reading; and often drawing the Eagle animal spirit card at decision-making times.

The eagle symbolizes Divine connection, and it symbolizes freedom, healing, and strength. For quite a while, I didn’t really get it; I just knew that when an eagle showed up, I felt comforted and reassured.

As I mentioned, the tipping point didn’t come for another five months. In between, my predominant emotion was anger. Intense, raging, furious anger. They say that anger is a common part of the grieving process, but the level I experienced went above and beyond classic grief: it was utter fury.

Some of it was directed at other people (not literally, but in my own thoughts): my father, my exes, and others. After all, when we’re able to blame others for what they did to us, we don’t have to accept responsibility for what we created.

In truth, though, most of it was directed at myself. And that was a key emotional shift for me.

I’d spent many decades seeing myself as a victim ~ as powerless and worthless.

While it’s true that some other people did some pretty awful things to me through the years, I allowed it because I didn’t believe I had any other choice. Even when I’d find the resolve to change something, I’d recreate the same pattern over and over again because I didn’t value myself, and I believed I deserved what I got.

When the tipping point came ~ after I found out my dog had terminal kidney cancer ~ I spiraled down into self-pity. I went from furiously angry to deep emptiness in a matter of days.

Up to that time, of necessity, I had been dealing with the aftermath of my mother’s death, the end of my marriage, moving, and lots of other things, so I hadn’t yet truly grieved all my losses…and I’d been too steeped in anger to get quiet enough to do it.

That emptiness felt a lot like depression, and perhaps that was a component of it. Yet, it was much more than that. It felt as if all the anger had been a months-long tantrum, discharging decades of negative energy.

Even though I had symptoms that are attributed to depression ~ I was exhausted, lethargic, had no joy in anything, didn’t do much beyond going through the motions of my day ~ I was also strangely calm.

Part of me didn’t want to do the work it would take to pull myself back up one more time; I’d done it a lot over the course of my life already. Another part of me was intrigued by the idea of what might fill that emptiness.

And, I was even more intrigued by the idea that maybe I could proactively empty out even more old stuff, that perhaps I had power over the situation.

I hadn’t yet made the leap from there to the idea that I could actively create what I wanted, but it was a short jump from one to the other soon after.

I began to purposefully look back at everything and intentionally choose to release it, simply deciding I was done with that particular pattern. I purged things in droves, both energetically and physically. The more I cleared, the more I wanted to clear.

The more I wanted to clear, the more I started to see the possibilities for what could be.

The more I could see the possibilities, the more I started to believe I had a choice.

The more I believed I had a choice, the more I began to actively set intentions.

The more I actively set intentions, the more the synchronicities happened.

By the first anniversary of my mother’s transition ~ and, ironically, the day my divorce became final ~ I was already living in a new location, planning a new business venture, and (unknown to me at the time) on the threshold of a completely different kind of relationship later in the year.

In those months, I made conscientious choices about what I wanted to carry forward into my new life and what I needed to release, literally and figuratively. Then, I intentionally cultivated what I wanted to create, physically and spiritually, and looked for the ways to harmonize the two into something new.

It’s easy when we’re suffering to want to throw everything away, yet we always have something of value to carry forward with us and carefully merge with the new to create a divine alchemy.

And that’s what it really takes to create marked transformation.

Those eagles showed up again and again to help me remember that we’re all Divine energy incarnated in human form, and that we have power over what we create. It all begins with emotional energy and beliefs.

I believe the Divine seeks to bring every one of us to our own tipping point ~ the point where we remember our divinity. I believe the circumstances that catalyze transformation can be small and large; when we miss the lesson in the small situations, they get bigger, until something finally gets our attention.

My mother’s death catalyzed things for me ~ in part because I realized what a restricted life she lived, and I want more for me, for my daughters, for my granddaughters, and for all women. At first it made me angry, for her and for myself, and then I understood that I have the opportunity to make things different, first for me, then for others.

If you’ve read this far, something has already catalyzed your own awakening to the possibility that things can be different; what’s your story?

Love & Blessings,

Katt

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Are You Cracking Up?

Two years ago today I left the last pieces of my old life behind.

At the time, I was recently-divorced, living in a rented house on a 130-acre organic farm and recovering from the year from hell I’d had in 2013 – and working on manifesting who I wanted to become now that I had the opportunity to do it differently.

For 20 years I had worked in the medical transcription industry – all of it working from home, first as a self-employed contractor and later for a national company – and I by that time I was in Quality Control.

On September 12, 2014, my sister and I said goodbye to our Mama’s house as it was handed over to it’s new owners. (They turned out to be a lovely young family who appreciate Mama’s house so much, so I know she’s smiling down on them).

It was also the day I left my longstanding career behind to step into the role I’m here to fulfill: Bringing hope, help and healing to wounded women.

So many things catalyzed that change. At first, it was things outside my control – the death of my mother, the demise of my marriage, the emptying of my nest, the death of my dog. Then it became something I actively pursued.

But a whole lot of healing and understanding happened in between those two stages.

Earlier this summer, when I was going through another cycle of change, I went to the library to get some books. I was feeling uninspired, so I asked the librarian to recommend something: she gave me a book called The Last Time I Was Me, authored by Cathy Lamb. I’d never read her work before.

When I opened the book later that day and read the first few words, I about fell off my chair. I could easily have written the opening lines, and those lines set the stage for a story that aligns completely with what I’m doing in the world – both personally and professionally.

With Cathy’s gracious permission, I’m quoting those first words here:

“Women can look so innocent.

And a few of them might be. Innocent I mean.

Most aren’t.

Most have secrets. Pretty big ones, if I do say so myself.

They silently nurture raging passions they’ve smothered for years because life has insisted they do so. They hide who they truly are because they’re in a box and no one in their families would feel comfortable if they broke out of that box like a rose on speed. They think non-innocent thoughts like: Should I castrate my husband? Should I leave my family and pesky in-laws, head for Tahiti, and have a fling with a lifeguard while downing daiquiris?

Women can smile and be gracious and kind. And most women usually are. Gracious and kind, I mean.

But to assume that a woman, any woman, is completely innocent is to be completely naive.

For example, take my recent not-so-innocent nervous breakdown.

The breakdown happened to occur in front of eight-hundred-thirty-four advertising execs and their minions. All of whom think they are imminently cool and vitally necessary to the earth’s continual spinning around the sun.

As the creative director for a stratospherically successful advertising firm in Chicago I suppose you could say I went out in a big way.

My mother died two months before.

I had also found out that my longtime live-in boyfriend had not one current girlfriend on the side, but a small harem. This had prompted me to retaliate against him in a colorful and creative manner using, among other things, a hot-glue gun. The police were called, handcuffs were snapped, charges were filed, and now I had to be in court in a few months to fight assault charges. Plus, Jared Nunley, the boyfriend, who will heretofore be known as Slick Dick, was suing me for every nickel I had.

Me, and ex-soloist in my church choir, who sold the most cookies three years in a row in Girl Scouts, had charges filed against her for assault.

The truly bad thing about it was that my ex-husband had no lasting damage done to his body.

I had worked days and nights for a week for this particular presentation and Jessica, my insanely competitive twenty-three-year-old intern, kept implying that I was out of touch, with one of those saccharine sweet smiles you want to rip off people’s faces. I suddenly felt this insidious crack in my body breaking me open right up at the podium.”

~ from The Last Time I Was Me, by Cathy Lamb

 

It goes on to tell the story of a woman, Jeanne, ditching her entire life, heading into the unknown (in her case, literally, by getting in her car with a few possessions and driving until she decided to stop), doing some really hard healing work and finding her genuine self under all the debris of her life, and building a whole new and different kind of life where the ‘real her’ could find joy and thrive.

The events of early 2013 led to my own “not-so-innocent breakdown.” I ran away to hide in a small cabin in the woods that fall, leaving a lot of my possessions behind. I did the hard work of healing and excavating myself out from under a lifetime of pain and trauma.

When I left that cabin in April of 2014, just days before the first anniversary of my Mama’s death and the day of my final divorce hearing – and just a few days after euthanizing my dog when he began bleeding internally – I was on unsteady legs, but I was moving forward to a new life for myself and leaving what was left of the past behind.

By September, when Mama’s house sold and I left my 20-year career, I was physically, emotionally, spiritually and energetically aligned to manifest a whole new life…

and little did I know where it would take me!

Part of the process of choosing to step into expansion and create something new is allowing – the decision to let it be different. It’s creating space to make room for the new to expand and become what serves your highest good…

without trying to control how that happens.

I don’t mean sitting on your butt and passively waiting for something good to happen – taking inspired action toward your desires and goals is very important – but rather, setting your intentions around what you want to have come into your life and then getting out of the way of the divine by letting it happen in its own way, in its own time.

Allowing power to bring it into existence rather than trying to force it into existence. For a lot of us, that’s not an easy thing to do, and I had some bumps in the road when I was trying too hard to force things.

In the present, though, as it happened for Jeanne in The Last Time I Was Me, I ended up in a life that supports my well-being.

Over the course of the last couple of years, I’ve talked to hundreds of women about the adversities that women face, and I’ve discovered that Jeanne’s experience – and my own experience – isn’t uncommon. Women all over the place are cracking up – they’re breaking down, collapsing under the weight of expectations and demands, anxiety and grief, pain and illness, trauma and abuse, and trying to do it all.

And women everywhere are saying Enough! They’re committing to finding a healthier, saner, happier way of life.

On the Indomitable Women podcast, I interviewed women who’ve experienced exactly this same thing: coming to a tipping point – or a crisis point – in their lives and making a decision to do it differently, then finding creative ways to heal and thrive.

And then they’re stepping up to help other women find the way to heal, and to connect back to the natural ways of women that have been buried for so long in our masculine-energy oriented society.

The divine feminine is rising, and women are awakening and gathering. More and more women every day are done with living under a social and cultural model that doesn’t nourish women and doesn’t acknowledge the necessary balance of feminine energy we need.

In September of 2009, the Dalai Lama said: “The world will be saved by the Western woman.” When he made that statement, we were very early in the 9-year Universal Cycle that’s coming to a conclusion this year.

I believe the trend that’s happening now – women drawing the line and actively creating change, and then stepping out in their power to help other women – is the coalescence of the Dalai Lama’s prediction. It’s the rise of the divine feminine, and women are gathering together in powerful circles to bring back the natural ways of women.

And those natural ways are going to take center stage in the humanity shift that’s on the horizon.

As we close out the final days of this 9-year cycle and prepare for a new cycle to begin – a cycle that I believe is going to herald tremendous change for women – I’d like you to ask yourself a question:

Are you ready to create healing and manifest the life you’re dreaming of?

If you’ve been feeling like you’re cracking up – feeling a little bit like you’re going crazy, feeling powerless, feeling like you can’t take it another minute – you’re feeling the energy of the divine feminine rising, and you’re being called to step into your power and join the ranks of women who are awakening and gathering to help humanity heal.

I’d love to hear your thoughts about women “cracking up” in the comments below.

Love & Blessings,

Katt

P.S. – Be sure to check out Cathy Lamb’s books – I’ve read several more since and they’re all about women cracking up and finding themselves underneath. You can find her here: http://cathylamb.org/2016/07/that-mean-woman/ 

P.P.S. One  of the ways I teach energy healing and manifesting skills is through my free Radiant Resilience Community – click below to join us and get The Secret to Emotional Resilience 4-part audio mini-course free

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Do You Want It to Be Different?

Why do we, as women, often ignore our own best advice?

The advice we freely share with our friends, daughters, sisters, mothers, grandmothers, clients?

The advice we lovingly give because we want them to be healthy and well and happy and safe?

Because we feel guilty.

Guilty if we take time away from helping others to take care of ourselves. Guilty if we spend money on our own well-being. Guilty if we ask someone to help us. Guilty if we can’t maintain everything we’re juggling in its precarious balance. Guilty if we acknowledge we’re tired, or we’re sick.

Guilty if we can’t do it all, after all.

My Mama always said, “Listen to your body.” Yet, often, she ignored hers, to the point that for several months after my father had his first stroke she suffered with abdominal pain, loss of appetite, digestive distress and lost a significant amount of weight.

When she finally ended up in surgery for an entirely different matter – a hysterectomy following an abnormal Pap smear – they discovered her appendix was dangerously enlarged and were shocked it hadn’t ruptured, and that she’d made it so long in that condition.

Like mother, like daughter.

I’ve ignored my own distress over and over throughout my adult life. I did it in 2012 and landed myself in a heap of trouble medically in the summer of 2013.

I did a lot of hard work to heal, physically and emotionally, and for the last couple of years, I’ve been teaching women to put themselves first, to prioritize their own well-being, to listen to their bodies.

Guess what I’ve been doing?

Ignoring mine.

Shocking, right?

Not so much.

And I’ve landed myself in a whole heap of medical trouble again.

For close to three months, I hid my symptoms from my guy, my family, my friends, and just pushed along checking things off my personal and professional to-do lists.

It all came to a head a few weeks ago and I crashed down hard.

And even then I made excuses about why I didn’t need to go to the doctor, chiefly the huge expense (I have no medical insurance) followed closely by the business things I have worked hard to get lined up for August and September, things meant to up-level the work I’m doing.

And I was feeling guilty about how much headache this was going to cause for a bunch of people I care about.

When I finally went to my Naturopath, he sent me straight to the ER – do not pass go, do not collect $200, get your ass to the ER.

And when a Naturopath tells you that, it pretty much scares the hell out of you.

So I went.

As I sat there on the gurney telling the ER doc my story, he and the nurses were remarking about how stoic I am, how they couldn’t believe I’d made it this long without coming in.

I told them I get it from my Mama.

And I realized in that moment how much I pride myself on “being stoic.”

Seriously?

If I don’t cut the shit I’m going to “be stoic” right into an early grave.

After enduring weeks of debilitating abdominal pain, when the doc said, “Are you going to let me give you something for the pain?” my response was, “That would be fabulous.”

And when that morphine filtered through the IV into my bloodstream and I felt all the tension in my body just ebb away – emphasizing how much I’d been resisting the pain for ages – all I could think was, Holy fuck, what am I doing to myself?

And even then, I felt guilty.

I felt guilty for letting my daughters down because I’m going to have to push out the timeline on some business goals we’ve got.

I felt guilty for having to reschedule a podcast interview at the last minute.

I felt guilty for leaving someone I do some behind-the-scenes work for “hanging.”

I felt guilty that I wasn’t able to prepare a proposal for someone else in the timely manner I’d promised.

I felt guilty that I needed to ask for an editorial extension on an article I’d promised to submit.

I felt guilty that the house needed cleaning and the garden needed weeding because I hadn’t been able to manage much of anything for the last couple of weeks.

I felt guilty that I’d not been walking the dogs much because it was too painful.

I felt guilty because I’d allowed myself to get so sick that I was scaring the hell out of my family and friends.

Does any of this ring a bell?

I know I’m not the only woman who’s done this kind of thing.

Where are we going to draw the line?

Where am I going to draw the line?

My stated business purpose is to “bring hope, help and healing to wounded women.”

I further state, wherever I have a bio published, that “my life and my work serve the higher purpose of being a voice in the world to eliminate violence against women and to mitigate the effects of trauma in their lives.”

The tagline for Indomitable Women is Invoke the Power to Create Your Divine Life.

Is any of that what I’m doing while I’m all busy over here “being stoic” – e.g. being a hypocrite because I’m not doing myself what I’m telling every other woman to do?

I’ve spent way too much time being stoic.

I was stoic when I went to school with pain and bruises given to me by my violent father.

I was stoic when I had a raging kidney infection a few weeks after the birth of my third child, and I refused to be hospitalized because, even though they’d allow me to bring my nursing newborn, it meant I’d have to leave my 2- and 4-year-old daughters home with their alcoholic father.

I was stoic when, a few years later, I had an abnormal pregnancy during a very difficult time for my children and I ended up with emergency surgery for a ruptured ectopic pregnancy with 750mL of blood in my abdominal cavity (and I recall that doctor also expressing amazement that I’d made it as long as I had before coming to the hospital).

I was stoic some more when I had endometriosis all through my lower abdomen and I passed golf-ball sized clots when I had a period – at a time when my kids were struggling, my mother was having regular follow up for abnormal Pap smears, and there was a mountain of transcription to do and bills to pay – until my blood work was so dire I came close to needing a transfusion.

I was stoic some more when everything was falling apart around me in 2013 and I had unrelenting abdominal pain, migraines, a thyroid mass and wacky blood work – at a time when my Mama’s health was failing, my sister was struggling with tragedy, my youngest child was dealing with a whole bunch of ugliness and my then-husband was going off the deep end.

After that, and the hard, hard, hard work it took to heal once again – and deciding to make it my business to advocate for women’s wellness – I thought I was done with being stoic.

Yet, here I am again, facing this monkey on my back that I thought I’d thrown off.

So what is it? Am I addicted to stoicism?

I think I am.

I think a lot of us are.

I think it’s been imprinted in us from birth – to a greater or lesser degree – through family dynamics, social and cultural programming, generational chains, ancestry and so much more.

And I think I’m sick of it.

Something else was revealed to me during that ER visit – the something that I think is going to help me finally beat this habit.

When the registration person came in and asked the usual litany of questions about demographics and emergency contact info, she also asked this question: “Do you feel safe at home?”

And with a huge smile on my face, I unequivocally answered a resounding Yes!

You could have knocked me over with a feather right then (and not just because of the morphine!).

A few hours later, my guy and I were sitting there in a quiet moment and I told him why: I’ve answered that question – the do you feel safe at home question – many times in many doctor’s offices and hospitals and even therapists offices…

and I’ve lied through my teeth every damned time.

I’ve never felt safe at home.

And I really, truly do now.

His comment? “ I saw your face light up when she asked.”

In the weeks I’ve been taking some time off to heal, I’ve looked really deeply into all the things that are tied up in that for me, and how it relates to constantly making myself my very last priority.

And how stoicism – when you’ve been through trauma and deal with a lot of anxiety – is a natural reaction, a way of trying to control your circumstances and your fear.

It’s a mask, a facade.

And that is compounded by all the layers piled on us by social and cultural definitions – and media influence – about all the things we “should” be, “should” do, “should” look like, “should” act like.

We end up with one or more false personas – different masks – as we fulfill different roles in our lives, and relate to different people.

Eventually, we have no idea who we really are anymore.

And when we look around us and we see everyone else’s masks, we’re more confused and uncertain, because we measure ourselves against what we see, and it’s another facade, someone else’s mask.

I’m tired of maintaining my stoicism.

I’m tired of wearing a mask.

I’m tired of facades.

I’m tired of a world that promotes cookie-cutter sameness – robotic falseness – and predefined parameters about what anything or anyone “should” look or be like.

I’m tired of a business arena that constantly promotes magic bullets, quick fixes, and miracle cures – formulas and strategies that, if you just get on board with it, will suddenly make your life perfect.

I’ve always been unconventional, eccentric, different, rebellious…

and over and over again I’ve tried to fit myself into a mold, squeeze myself into a box of shoulds.

And I’m done.

It’s time to let it be different.

As this latest cycle in my life has played out – the repetition of a decades-long cycle – and I’ve looked back over the many times I’ve circled around to face the same demons again, I’ve realized how much I’m still trying to follow the “shoulds” of a lifetime, in my life and in my work.

I’ve been decorating a couple of pretty news masks – one for who I am in my current relationship, and one for who I am in my business – both things that have developed in tandem over the past couple of years.

And neither of them fully represent who I know I am, who I am when there’s nobody around but me…

because I’ve been afraid to show her.

When I was talking with a dear and trusted friend about all this recently, she reminded me that I don’t really do much of anything “by the book,” and she’s right.

So why the hell am I still trying to stuff myself into yet another box – a couple of boxes actually?

A lifetime of conditioning, of following old programming, default behaviors, and getting stuck in the ruts of the neural pathways long established in my brain.

So here’s what I’ve decided to do:

I’ve taken off the mask in my personal life, creating the resonance I need that reflects exactly who I am – and, oh, my poor guy, who’s over here kinda going, Wait! What?, but in true Tony fashion, is responding with, Whatever you need to do to be happy and healthy. (See why I could answer an unequivocal Yes! to being safe at home?)

Now I’m taking off the mask in my business life.

I had a well-organized “funnel” planned for the rest of this year, with all the “right” strategies and marketing methods built in. It included a to-do list with about 17,000 things on it that would make sure every “t” was crossed and every “i” was dotted. It was well thought out, shaping the knowledge and skills I have into an acceptable mainstream concept.

And I realized I loathe about 85% of what’s on that list and in that plan, and that it doesn’t reflect what I’m called to teach.

So, I got rid of that 85% and re-fashioned the remaining 15% to reflect my unique, quirky, rebellious, eccentric, eclectic self – and that 15% is all I’m going to teach.

I’m going to let it be different, in my life and in my work.

I’m leaving the old paradigms behind.

I’m going on an odyssey of discovery – to unmask the real me and invoke the power to be everything I came here to be.

And I’d like you to join me.

Because I know you’ve got some masks, too.

Because I know you’ve got areas of your life where you’re ready to let it be different, too.

Because, wherever you are in your own healing journey – just starting out, a long ways in, or already helping others heal – there’s always more to do as we uncover another layer.

Because women are being called to circle together and support each other, to break the culture of competition, to help each other heal.

Because you can’t manifest your power and create the transformation you so desperately desire until you clear space and allow it to be different.

Because you’re smart, and you know there’s no magic bullet…and you know, too, that there is hope, there is possibility, there is power, and you’ve begun to suspect that the power is within you.

There’s a powerful season just ahead of us, and it’s incredibly important for women to be tuned into the natural cycles happening throughout the year, so I’ve put together something to correspond with it.

And it’s going to be simple, and straightforward, no bullshit and no tactics.

It’s a place for women to explore how they can let it be different in their lives and connect with other women on the same journey.

It all starts with Truth – telling ourselves the truth and daring to take off our masks, in a safe and supportive place.

Will you join me?

I’d love to hear your thoughts about all of this in the comments below.

Love & Blessings,

Katt

P.S. One  of the ways I teach energy healing and manifesting skills is through my free Radiant Resilience Community – click below to join us and get The Secret to Emotional Resilience 4-part audio mini-course free

 

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Is it really possible to become indomitable?

When you’ve been suffering for a while and your list of physical, mental, and emotional symptoms has grown long, it can seem overwhelming to think about all the things you’ll need to do to get beyond it…and yet, you want nothing more than to feel well again, to be happy again, to get back to being yourself again.

I’m not going to tell you that all you need to do is think positive, or that there is one simple thing you can do that will fix everything, or that there is a certain prescription that will make it all better, or that it’s all in your head and you just need to stop it.

It takes a long time to get so unwell that you chronically suffer from your pain, depression, anxiety, fatigue, and other symptoms: It stands to reason that it’ll take you some time to find your way back.

And I also know you just want to feel better now.

There was a point in my life when I dragged myself through every day: I had children to raise and a job to do, so it wasn’t optional. And in those days, I withdrew to my bed as often and as quickly as I could. I sought the comfort of prescribed painkillers and anxiety medications, and the blessed relief of sleep. When I was asleep, I didn’t have to deal with the pain, the depression, the anxiety, or the reasons for all of it.

I wasn’t living life: I was existing

I suffered, my family suffered, and on top of everything else, I felt so guilty. I wanted to get a handle on it…and every time I worked up the energy to think about what that meant, it was too exhausting and overwhelming to figure out. It was easier to just take a nap.

I was in my early 30s when I first sought medical/mental health assistance for things I had already lived with for many years. I followed that path for close to 6 years, having test after test, trying medication after medication, talking with different therapists, and pursuing treatment after treatment. Nothing really worked all that well. Sure, there were small gains sometimes, but they usually came with a price…or a side effect.

The therapist I was seeing when I was 39 was the portal to real and lasting change for me. She taught me to see myself differently, and that empowered me to start researching ways to own my healing and wellness that suited me and my lifestyle.

I gained tremendous ground over the next 5 years and I was the healthiest I’d been in decades, walking 4 to 5 miles a day, eating nutritiously and I was at a healthy body weight, doing yoga daily, working with horses 5 days a week, homeschooling my youngest child, and working on my writing.

When I was 44, I made a decision that changed all that: I entered into a toxic relationship, and over the next 4 years I lost myself and my health. The summer I turned 49 I was desperately ill, in chronic pain, depressed, anxious, and grieving.

Shortly after my birthday, my eldest daughter confronted me with the truth: She told me if I passively allowed the whole situation to continue I was going to die. She reminded me I knew what to do and I had to decide to do it if I wanted to live.

She was right.

I was so tired of all the battles that I was being passive. I didn’t think I had the strength or energy to pull myself up one more time. I was going to let things run their course and let myself fade away.

Once she had called me out on it, though, I found it harder and harder to stay passive. I did know exactly what I needed to do…but it was overwhelming as hell to think about doing it all. It required radical decisions, hard work, physical effort, mental schooling, and money…all of which were in short supply right then.

What changed?

I turned inward for a couple of weeks–not in the escaping reality way; rather, in the searching my soul way. And it was enough to get me moving and making some choices.

There were ups and downs, a lot of decisions to face, physical and emotional things to confront and solve, and grief to process, but about 4 months into the work, when the fog had cleared a bit, I finally realized all of what I’ve been through and overcome has aligned me with my purpose in life: to be a voice in the world to help eliminate violence against women and to help create a new paradigm for women’s wellness.

I said earlier I know you want to feel better now, and this story is about the time it takes to heal. Within it, though, is the key to feeling better now, before you begin to make the practical decisions and choices, and before you can create the wellness blueprint for your life.

It’s this: Changing your perception of your ability to heal, going from an I can’t to an I can attitude, and taking daily action to learn a personal wellness mindset.

It won’t solve everything all at once, but it will get you more than 50% of the way to wellness. As it’s said when someone is battling a substance abuse problem: ‘acknowledging they have a problem is half the battle.’ There’s work to do afterwards but it’s work from a place of truth and believing in the possibility of achieving wellness.

Same goes: When you believe you have the ability to heal and own your power – your personal wellness mindset – you’ve already won half the battle.

It’s the gateway to becoming an Indomitable Woman.

Who is an Indomitable Woman?

She’s the woman who has navigated the trials and traumas and stresses of life and keeps on going.

She’s the woman who has been knocked down and gotten back up…sometimes repeatedly.

She’s the woman who has been betrayed and dares to love anyway.

She’s the woman who puts it all on the line for her family.

She’s the woman who takes a step even when she’s terrified.

She’s the woman who looks for the lesson – the proverbial silver lining – in difficult circumstances.

She’s the woman who wields her strength with love and grace and compassion while standing firm in

her boundaries.

She’s the woman who practices great self-care habits to keep herself healthy and well – without

apology.

She’s the woman who knows her natural talents, capabilities and resources and uses them skillfully.

She’s the woman who supports and uplifts other women.

She’s the woman who is tapped into her intuition and flows with the cycles and seasons of life.

She’s the woman who hears the healing call and courageously steps into her healing power to answer.

So is it really possible to become indomitable?

I say it is. And I’ve met hundreds of women who exemplify being indomitable:

They’ve battled cancer and won.

They’ve left abusive relationships and thrived.

They’ve grieved loss and begun to live again.

They’ve fought social stigma and claimed their freedom.

They’ve struggled with body image and learned to love themselves.

They’ve been betrayed and gone on to love again.

They’ve contended with eating disorders and gotten healthy.

They’ve experienced every conceivable trauma that happens to women…and they’ve stepped into their healing power, healed themselves, and begun to help others heal.

I think it’s a natural outcome: don’t you? When we go through the fire, and we find our way out and create a new life for ourselves, we naturally want to pay that forward and help others.

I’d love to hear your thoughts about becoming indomitable – facing adversity, healing, thriving, and helping others heal. Let me know in the comments below!

Love & Blessings,

Katt

P.S. One  of the ways I teach energy healing and manifesting skills is through my free Radiant Resilience Community – click below to join us and get The Secret to Emotional Resilience 4-part audio mini-course free

 

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Things I Wish I Knew Before I Started a Virtual Business

World domination…7-figure income…50K raving followers

All of this can be yours if you follow (insert guru name here)’s easy formula!

Not quite

When I first left my 20-year career to start a virtual business, I allocated 6 months of time and financial resources to handle the steep learning curve of technology and marketing. I thought that was plenty of time…

Website? Check

Facebook Business Page? Check

Email provider? Check

Think that’s all there is to it? Think again…

  • What about landing pages and opt-ins?
  • And webinars?
  • And Google Analytics?
  • And Facebook ads?
  • And autoresponder sequences?
  • And membership management?
  • And course creation?
  • And telesummits?
  • And the list goes on…

It’s crazy-making, and little did I know (then) that the practical, tangible things aren’t the most important part anyway.

I’ve learned…

I’m very bright and I have a keen mind. I’m also highly intuitive. I write really well and I have the gift of gab. I love research, learning, solving puzzles, sorting out how pieces fit together. I’m very capable of figuring new things out.

Back in 1995, I didn’t want to leave my infant daughter to go back to my minimum-wage job as a bank teller so I bought a Stedman’s Medical Dictionary, taught myself how to do medical transcription, marketed myself to local physicians’ offices and got contracts to do their transcription – and that turned into a 20-year career.

When I made the decision to leave that career a few years ago and pursue a virtual business, I thought, ‘Oh, I’ve got this, this’ll be easy’ – and I did, at least as far as the research and learning and comprehension went – but that’s where it broke down because it’s not just about the knowledge and comprehension.

It’s about personal alignment and mindset and resilience. You have to be prepared to live in the role of entrepreneur – in whatever genuine form that takes for you – and that takes a whole different set of skills.

Especially if you have a healing message for the world.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

#1 – It’s crucial to get rid of your old programming before you begin

It’s going to trip you up, and it’s going to prevent you from succeeding…

that is, unless you master it and turn it into your powerhouse by getting crystal clear on where the trapdoors are so you can confidently recognize them and have the tools to disable them.

Perhaps someone once told you that you shouldn’t talk so much, or you shouldn’t be so emotional, or you’ll never make a living with your (insert creative endeavor here), or you’ll never amount to anything, or if you don’t go to college you can’t succeed, or you’re too irresponsible, and on and on.

Whatever you’ve been told by others – and through social and cultural inference – and via subliminal advertising messages, you’ve got stored deep in your psyche and when you begin to explore doing something new, something different, something outside the box, it rears its ugly head and reminds you of all the reasons why you can’t do it, why you won’t succeed, why you’re a fool for even trying.

And when that thing is a virtual business, with the steep learning curve and conflicting advice, along with the isolation and other challenges – and every guru on the block telling you that their method is the formula you need – getting clear on your truth is crucial.

#2 – You’ll encounter resistance and self-sabotage along the way

Just about the time you sort out all the confusion about the different technologies available, the various tactics and strategies and formulas being marketed, your own doubts and fears about your message and methods, and the time, energy and money investment to get things up and running, resistance will hit.

What if you actually succeed?

Oh shit! That’ll mean massive change…

and change is scary…

and it’s probably why you want to do this in the first place, to create change in your life…

but what if you actually do? Then what?

Change means learning a new paradigm, and doing things differently, and being out there and visible, and the whole world knowing you’re not perfect and you make mistakes, and maybe they laugh at you or think you’re a fraud…or worse, they don’t give a darn about what you have to say.

And self-sabotage shows up to slow you down so you don’t have to find out.

#3 – A commitment to excellent self-care is critical to your success

When you dream of leaving your brick and mortar world job for a virtual business you go into it imagining the freedom, the flexibility, the time you’ll have available when you’re not commuting and punching a time clock and stuck following someone else’s schedule and limited to 2 weeks’ vacation a year.

You dream of no longer being exhausted and having no time for yourself and not having to work overtime to get projects completed (then running around trying to take care of all of your personal responsibilities afterwards) – no more throwing yourself under the bus to get it all done.

When you start down the path of building a virtual business and you realize how much there is to do, you’ll decide that it’s okay to work overtime (and then some) at first; you figure once you’ve got everything going, you’ll be able to back off and have the lifestyle you’ve imagined.

But guess what?

If you sacrifice your own well-being in the beginning, you’ll set a pattern in place that’ll require you to keep doing it – and you’ll find yourself running just as ragged as you did in your 9-to-5 job.

You’ve got to set the stage from the very beginning to nourish yourself well or it’ll never happen unless you face plant somewhere along the line and decide to do it differently.

#4 – Doing it authentically is the right way to begin

In the virtual world everybody’s got a formula and they all will tell you that their formula is the way to go. It’s confusing, and discouraging…

and it’ll make you second guess yourself over and over if you let it.

It leads to Shiny Object Syndrome – every time you think you’ve got it figured out, the Next Big Thing will be all over the place on social media and you’ll feel compelled to jump on the bandwagon and incorporate it into your plan somehow.

And you’ll slow yourself down again…and you’ll be missing out on the opportunity to be exactly the person you came here to be and to reach the people you’re uniquely designed to attract – the ones who need your message, told in your voice, in the way you teach it.

It’s important to have a working knowledge of the available ways to get your message out into the virtual world – and the tools and technology available to help you do it – but the tactics and strategies and formulas and methods aren’t as important as who you are, what you have to say and how you say it.

That’s what your tribe is looking for…and they honestly don’t care which webinar platform you choose…they just need to hear your message.

#5 – Your own healing journey will accelerate exponentially

All of the things that brought you to the point of wanting to create a virtual business to share your message with the world will come back to the forefront.

As you begin to share your story, old wounds will surface, and things you thought you’d dealt with and put away long ago will come up again. You’ll see connections between things that you never saw before.

Each time you teach someone else – and hear their own stories and struggles – it’ll highlight the similarities in your own journey because, make no mistake, when you want to help others heal, the ones who are attracted to your teaching are the ones on the same healing path as you.

The teachers and the leaders are the ones who are a little way farther down the path, but the teaching and leading becomes the refining fire that burns away the final vestiges of your own pain and trauma…

and as you are willing to be real and raw and honest about your journey, whatever you still have to deal with in order to keep moving forward on your own path will emerge into the light, and as such, you’ll continue to heal and grow…

which will then enable you to continue as the teacher and the leader.

#6 – You have to be crystal clear on your why

When discouragement hits, when confusion rules, when self-doubt, resistance and self-sabotage show up you’ve got to have a singular focus to pull yourself up, dust yourself off and get going again.

And that singular focus is your why. Your why has to be stronger than your doubt and fear.

Why did you want to do this in the first place?

Your why is about the people you want to help – and how you want to help them – and it’s about what you want to bring to your own life by doing it (and perhaps to your loved ones lives, as well).

It’s your central message, the core of what you believe you are here to teach.

It’s the thing that is uniquely you – the thing that all of your experiences, talent, skills and nature combine to make you the perfect messenger for. The thing only you can say – in the way only you can say it.

It’s the thing that, if you could help just one person – and for free, at that – you’d be satisfied and grateful you had the opportunity to share it.

It’s the thing that sparks your enthusiasm and creativity every time you think about it.

#7 – You need to understand your money story and get past it

Perhaps you’ve been told ‘money doesn’t grow on trees’ or you grew up hearing your parents argue about money or tell you ‘we can’t afford that’ when you asked to get something at the store or join an extracurricular activity.

Maybe you’ve had financial difficulties – even filed bankruptcy or had liens – or you have a ton of credit card debt and you don’t pay much more than the minimum balance every month.

Possibly you’ve been taught to believe that the “rich get richer and the poor get poorer” while the middle class gets the shaft.

You’ve lived paycheck to paycheck a lot – and there’s usually more month than money – so you can’t count how many times you’ve said, “I’d love to but I don’t have the money.”

It could be that you – or your parents – had a lengthy divorce war over money and assets. Or you grew up with – or married – someone so frugal they make a penny squeak or have moths in their wallet.

Whatever your past experience with money, both as an adult and in childhood, if it’s negative in any way, it’ll hold you back from making your business lucrative…and so will believing you shouldn’t get paid for bringing your calling to the world.

#8 – Relationships are the most important thing to build first

There are as many formulas as there are business coaches, and there are tools and technology galore.

There are tactics and strategies and funnels and platforms and methods and sequences and an endless number of possibilities for doing virtual business.

And some of it is very cool, and a lot of it is helpful in streamlining your workday…

but if you’re not putting people first, just like in the brick and mortar world, then you’re not going to get anywhere.

In the Real World, good businesses have an emphasis on customer service, and they encourage team camaraderie, and management has an open-door policy, and good communication skills are valued.

It’s no different in the world of virtual business. Taking the time to connect with people – whether they’re your audience or your industry peers – is vitally important. And building those relationships comes in way ahead of deciding what tools to use or what strategies to employ.

Just as in the Real World, people want to be heard, and if you’re not putting most of your time and effort into hearing them, the technology you choose isn’t going to matter.

#9 – You need to believe in the value of your personal story

There are two ways to look at your personal story: the first way is that it is what empowers your message, the second way is that it’s what discredits you.

When you hit the resistance and self-sabotage phases of building a virtual business, you’ll want to believe the second way is correct – who am I to think I can do this? Look at the mistakes I’ve made!

And when working in your business accelerates your own healing journey, you’ll again want to believe the second way is correct – if I haven’t got it all together yet myself, who am I to teach someone else?

And when old programming flares up, you’ll still want to believe the second way is correct – *they* said it can’t be done.

Here’s the truth: your personal story is your credibility. If you’ve done the work to heal something in your own life – and have the motivation to help others heal in the same way – then the path of experience that brought you to that point, and the story you have to share about it, is the authenticity that credentials you to teach it.

It’s the honest sharing of your story that assures people you understand and that they’re not the only ones who are going through whatever it is they’re dealing with (who hasn’t thought they were alone – or even crazy – in dealing with their experiences?).

#10 – There’s an ebb and flow to creativity and you’ll have blocks

Sometimes you’ll run out of words and you’ll spend time staring at a blank screen and you’ll get stuck and you’ll feel like you’re trying to force something out of a dry well…

and sometimes you’ll just get sick of the whole damned thing.

And a little time will go by and you’ll suddenly get re-inspired and the floodgates will open and it’ll all come pouring out.

There are rhythms and cycles to creativity – larger seasonal cycles and smaller personal rhythms – and it’s inevitable that there’ll be periods of slow, or no, inspiration. It doesn’t mean you’re on the wrong track or that it’s time to quit.

It might mean you’ve been pushing too hard and need to give yourself a break, but usually it’s simply that it’s time to handle some mundane tasks – background things that don’t require a lot of creative output – and let it runs its course.

The cycles will be pretty predictable, and if you pay attention, you’ll know what they are, and that’ll eliminate the tendency to freak out when they happen.

Bonus Tip: It’s possible to launch a lucrative, sustainable virtual business…but you have to get out of your own way first

There’s a whole lot of advice available online about the best ways to launch and run a virtual business, and there are an uncountable number of tools and strategies, as well as people to teach them.

The “gurus” would have you believe that a multi-6 or even 7-figure business is as simple as following a certain formula – their formula – but it’s not as simple as that.

You can have the best method in the world, and if you get caught in old programming, in your money story, in resistance and self-sabotage, in throwing yourself under the bus, in trying to do it someone else’s way, or solely based on tactics and funnels and technology choices, you’re doomed to fail.

The health and success of your business starts with your personal wellness, and with having a strong and certain sense of who you’re meant to be in the world…

and with how you handle challenges, because it’s not all going to be unicorns and rainbows…

but it can be the most wonderful of adventures if you get out of your own way and let your unique purpose emerge and grow, and you’re willing to go against the tide and do it your own way.

I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

Love & Blessings,

Katt

P.S. One  of the ways I teach energy healing and manifesting skills is through my free Radiant Resilience Community – click below to join us and get The Secret to Emotional Resilience 4-part audio mini-course free